The Pursuit of happiness syndrome
According to the bureau of statistics 17% of Australians suffer from some sort of mental health issue (depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide). This is quite an alarming statistic considering one of the main goals people want in life is to be happy. It seems rather ironic that the pursuit of happiness holds such significance in people’s life, yet it appears we’re becoming more and more unhappy. Why?
Is the pursuit of happiness actually making us sad?
There’s a belief in society today that if you’re not happy most of the time, there must be something wrong with you. The reality is, you’re not always going be happy because somewhere in your journey through life you’re bound to encounter some kind of grief or sadness. It’s an unrealistic construct that’s being pushed onto us, that eternal happiness is achievable. The reason, happiness is an emotional state which, at any time can change, so to think you’ll always be happy is not only delusional, it’s setting yourself up for disappointment.
Also, we yearn for happiness yet for most when asked to define what it is for them, they struggle. The conundrum here is, how do you find something if you don’t actually know what you’re looking for? People often go on the pursuit of chasing happiness in the tangible believing it’ll make them happy, like, a bigger house, better job, more money, flash car, a better body, the perfect partner… (Insert your wish here), only to realise, it hasn’t produced what they had envisaged. Too often the pursuit is lost in the outcome which may initially bring some happiness but soon subsides in the pursuit of the next big thing.
Is the pursuit of happiness too complicated?
Maybe we need to dumb happiness down a bit because there seems to be a lot of unnecessary demands around it. The self-help industry, social media and societal pressures play into this really well by selling the dream with statements like don’t worry be happy, smile and everything will be ok, fake it till you make it or just think positive and it’ll work out. These statements are great in theory but the reality is, we don’t live in the theory. Try telling that to someone who’s just lost their lifelong partner or gone through some major trauma, it may be received quite differently or even viewed as a condescending platitude that’s reeks of toxic positivity.
It’s not as if you can just turn the positivity switch and happiness arrives and life is fun again. I think it’s these types of messages although encouraging, actually add to complexity and unnecessary pressure that’s placed around happiness.
This may sound like a big statement but I believe the true meaning of happiness has been changed to suit a materialistic world and thus is a contributing to an increase in the anxiety and general sadness statistics. A big statement I know, and I should probably back it up, so here are a few of my reasons why.
- High expectations.
There’s a lot of pressure around being happy as if it’s something we’re meant to have all the time. It would be fantastic be constantly happy but the reality is, life at times can be a shit and throws misfortune, grief and disappointment at us and often without warning. In fact, it’s inevitable somewhere throughout life we’re going to encounter some form of misfortune and make us anything but happy. Saying that, just because you’re sad or not always in a constant state of joy doesn’t necessarily equate to a crap life. Our expectations of what life should be are high and when life doesn’t meet those expectations, we become despondent. Happiness an emotional state, it fluctuates, therefore hoping for eternal happiness is an expectation that often leads to disappointment. Understanding you won’t always be happy and things aren’t always going to be idyllic and you will experience sad times and anxiety and that’s ok.
- Too much emphasis on the external.
Life is constantly changing, things will come and go, and our feelings and emotions will fluctuate. Believing that external things will bring happiness is short term which is fine, and by all means enjoy it but don’t expect it to last. The pursuit of chasing external things like recognition, approval, or possessions to achieve happiness is a band-aid solution and when the excitement wears off, too often we search for more to fill hopefully fill the void. Understanding that void fillers and the emotion that surrounds them will change can help us focus less on the instant gratification and more on what truly matters. External happiness is like the weather pleasant but changeable, so placing too much emphasis on a changeable goal often leads to disappointment.
- Never satisfied with our lot
We want life to be perfect, go to plan and be easy. People tend to focus on what they don’t have rather than appreciating what they have. Comparing themselves to others then judging their happiness accordingly. The grass always looking greener on the other side mentality is a recipe for disappointment. There’s a saying the grass is greenest where you water it. Social media plays a big part in this one; we see posts of people on holidays, at an event or having a fun time and wonder why our life isn’t as cool as theirs. This can lead to low self-esteem or a feeling of dissatisfaction. Most times you’re only seeing the highlight reels not the whole story and yes it would be awesome to do and have some of that but the reality is, happiness isn’t found in comparison, it’s knowing you’re enough and doing the best with your lot in life.
When we base our happiness on a comparison, we’re giving away our power. Comparison is the thief of joy because the grass will always be greener on the other side which will never make you happy. The key to being happier is understanding that life can be a shit but learning to accept what it throws at you and manage it the best you can, helps reduce the anxiety and stress we place on eternal happiness.
Life can be chaotic and full of distraction so it’s easy to get lost in the fear of missing out. Our attention is constantly being hijacked by people and things wanting our attention, claiming they’ll improve our happiness. To me, someone trying to sell you happiness is a red flag but I must admit it’s hard not to be tempted. No matter how attractive the glitter, happiness isn’t something you buy off the shelf, it comes from within, it’s your mindset, values, and emotional balance. Happiness is a sense of purpose, self-acceptance, gratitude and contentment.
Sometimes we get so caught up in doing the chase we forget to just be. The irony is, we can try so hard in our pursuits that we actually complicate the whole process. The thing is, happiness most times is right in front of us if we slow enough to look. I’ve realised that faster, bigger, stronger doesn’t necessarily equate to happier, it’s about keeping things simple, enjoying the moment, and removing the unnecessary clutter to allow happiness to find you.
So, if you’re travelling along the highway to happiness and get stuck in traffic maybe it’s time to exit next left and find an alternate route. It may not be the quickest detour but it could be very road that makes a difference, gives inspiration or takes you on a journey that’s not reliant on validation or material gain, who knows but it’s a worth a try. The strength is in simplicity.
Choose your path wisely!
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