It’s funny how life can be so wonderful yet at times so unpleasant. Things can be going along smoothly then from out of the blue comes disruption and chaos and our we find our world turns from sparkles and unicorns, to a shit-show. It can happen so quickly too, without any rhyme or reason and you wonder, what the hell just happened. No matter what life throws at us it’s about finding ways how best to manage situations as they arrive. Some people when confronted with adversity feel helpless and hope things miraculously get better, while others seem to be able to accept what’s happening and find a way to deal with it.
How does that work? Two people faced with the same predicament – One sees it as catastrophic, the other finds inspiration, one feels helpless and is frozen in their tracks while the other sees it as a challenge and turns it into a driving force.
Whatever the situation, we all have to make a decision and it’s these decisions that help determine the outcome. Throughout life we’ll all meet our share of adversity and emotional turmoil and during that time will often ask the question what have I done to deserve this? The thing is, it’s not a question of what or why, it’s more about how do I handle it right now
Life happens, and it the reality is, it doesn’t care whether you can handle it or not. Life doesn’t have any rules or protocols about who gets lucky and who doesn’t, it carries on regardless. We can complain about the injustice of it all or bang on about how it wasn’t part of my plan however, that doesn’t change the event. We’d all like to have things go according to plan but unfortunately there’s no set formula for the perfect life (sorry to those waiting for it) and life at times isn’t fair and doesn’t have to be. Sometimes the challenges life throws at us can make the journey more exciting, especially when we view it from a different perspective. There’s a quote from Eric Greitens – “No one escapes, pain, fear or suffering, yet from pain can come wisdom, from fear can come courage and from suffering can come strength – if we have the virtue of resilience”. Too often we feel the unfairness but never look for the lesson, and just hope things get better.
To have hope is optimistic, but hope alone without action won’t change much! There’s no shortage of personal-development, self-help books, podcasts, social media posts telling us how to take action and be more resilient which is wonderful but having the information and doing something with it are two different things.
You see people especially on social media, banging on about resilience and as much as they mean well, they’re just words. When life hits you hard and you’re feeling like shit, the last thing you want is platitudes or some toxic positivity statement telling you to look on the bright side of life. However, to sit and wallow in self-pity isn’t useful either. I get having some champion telling you to harden up and move on isn’t helpful but somewhere in the mix of your adversity you need to take accountability, face your situation and come up with a plan for how to manage it. I also get that’s not as simple as it sounds and sometimes finding a way can be tough yet, somehow it needs to happen.
Whenever adversity hits, I try to apply the ADD technique. ADD is acronym I’ve developed to help me manage difficult situations.
- A is for Acceptance, acceptance of the situation or what’s happening, you may not be able to change it but with acceptance comes the ability to understand it better.
- D is Decide, decide on the meaning you give it, and what you’re going to do about it.
- D is Do, do something, anything that creates some momentum or change for the better.
By using this method, I become aware of what’s happening and can gain clarity on what needs to be done. The thing is, you can have all the information, skills, and motivation to help create your best life but knowledge without action, is like having a car without wheels, it’s not moving anywhere too soon. Action is movement which becomes momentum and hopefully that momentum creates the energy to help manage your situation better.
For example, how many times have you thought what was bad luck has actually opened up an opportunity to change, become stronger or discover a better way? From personal experience (although devastated at the time), I would never be doing what I do now, if I hadn’t been made redundant many years ago!!
There’s a good chance at some stage in life you’ll encounter some form of hardship, bad luck or grief, it may not be pleasurable but it just may be an opportunity for change and by having awareness of this, the greater the possibility of managing your circumstances more effectively.
When confronted with adversity it’s not about trying to be positive and defeating it, it’s about having a strategy on how to manage it better, we too often, rather than face adversity try to avoid it. The reality is, you can bury your head in the sand hoping the issue disappears but eventually you’ll have to come up for air and if you’re not prepared, it can really smash you.
To avoid getting upset, angry or disappointed whenever you encounter adversity or bad luck, try to accept the situation for what it is, decide what you’re going to do and start doing it. Don’t get me wrong it not just a matter of flicking a switch and life’s good again. As Epictetus the great stoic said – “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”. Most times you won’t be able to change what happened but choosing how you respond can often be the difference between catastrophe and control and you just may be pleasantly surprised by outcome!
Choose your path wisely!
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